Are you sure this is what you want?
by beholdthestars
Summary: "Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked snaking his hand around my waist. I swallowed. I looked into his bright blue eyes before answering "Forever, I want you forever."
1. Chapter 1

**Prologe:**

"Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked snaking his hand around my waist. I swallowed. I looked into his bright blue eyes before answering "Forever, I want you forever." He smiled my crooked smile. He placed his finger under my chin and tilted it upwards. He kissed me like he never had done before. I want to stay like this forever

…...

**Alice point of view:**

I pulled my duffel bag into my usual dorm with my two best friends. Summer camp. GREAT. _Notice the hint of sarcasm. _I placed it down and made my way into the bathroom. Great Jetlag. I come from California and now im here in Texas. I looked in the mirror to see a girl who was not happy with her body, _or her life. _I have jet black hair which flows down my back. My skin is pale and my green eyes stand out. Im 5'4 which is tiny and my body frame is non-existent, yeah I've got boobs but not big enough ones. _Well I think_. I quickly pull my hair through a bobble then unpack my bag. "Aliceeeeeeeeeeee Helpppppppppppppppppp" I placed my toothbrush on the side then walked into Bella's room to see what was going on. Bella's body was hunched over her suitcase. Thick tears were falling across her pale face. I ran over to her and crouched down to her. "Bells, what's wrong?" She looked at me before running a hand across her nose. She hiccupped then told me "Ed, Ed. Ed Edward's taking me out, and I have nothing to wear" she sniffed again. I laughed, _that was funny_. I rummaged in her suitcase before pulling out red halter neck top and black jeans. "Wear some red heels and you'll look drop dead gorgeous." She quickly thanked me before going to the bathroom. Edward is my brother. He and Bella have recently been going out, don't get me wrong, she's my best friend and im glad my brother found someone but enough with the pda. There constantly touching and kissing and holding hands and it just gets too much. I finally had finished unpacking when Rosalie burst in the door with mascara stains and a happy smile on her face , _wait what happy? _

"Rose are you okay?" I asked, she sat on the bed before sighing "My brothers coming" Bella then rushed out of the bathroom. "Looking hot bells "I told her. She blushed "Thank you, Jasper's coming back?" Bella looked at Rose with eager eyes. Jasper? I pulled my tank top down before settling down to listen to the story. "Well, He said that he's coming back to camp and that we should have missed him" Bella and rose squealed. "Wait, guys, I don't get it?" I said. Rosalie looked at me then explained "Alice, Jasper's my brother, he went on vacation cus he and his girlfriend of what like two years split up and he sorta took it really hard on himself. He started you know? 0053elf-harming. He couldn't think straight, he wouldn't talk or eat or anything. I got really worried about him. His girlfriend was a total bitch and has totally fucked up my brother's life, but he's back now and is coming to summer camp. Bella was his bestfriend before he left so ya know?" I just nodded. He self-harmed? Rosalie is gorgeous and im totally jealous of my bestfriend. I met Rosalie in my last year of high school. Her brother must have left? Rosalie has long blonde hair, longer than mine, bright blue eyes and perfect boobs. Every boy I know has wanted to either date or fuck her. But she always said no because she like's Bella's brother Emmett, but he doesn't know cus he's stupid! I walked into my bathroom and hitched up the sleeve of the cardie I was wearing to reveal the self-inflicted marks I had made.

_I thought he loved me, I thought he needed me, but obviously I was wrong, nothing's right anymore, everything keeps getting complicated, why can't they be easy? Why my heart? Why did he have to choose me? I feel like everything's falling apart. Fuck fuck fuck!_

I withdrew a blade from my back pocket before pressing it down to meet my skin. I drew the blade against the soft flesh hoping that it would make me real again. I felt the blade dig deeper beneath my fingers. I felt the blood run across my arm but I didn't care, I never do. I dragged it over again and over and over again until my arm was completely drenched im my bodily fluids. I placed the blade in my bag and washed my arm under the hot water. It stung. It hurt like a bitch slap. I looked down to see my grey cardie's arm was now saturated in my blood. I wrenched the cardigan of and flung it on the floor then grabbed my black hoodie to cover up my arms. I checked my face in the mirror to see it had gone red and blotchy. I splashed some cold water on my face before drying it. I took a few heavy breathes before picking my cardie up and leaving the room. I took my dirty cardie and placed it at the bottom of my bag. I found out Rosalie was taking a bath and Bella had gone out with Edward. I walked outside and down into the grounds. I sat beneath an old oak tree. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them close. I closed my eyes and let the thoughts come rushing into my head. The tears began to flow freely from my eyes. I quickly swiped my hand over my eyes to get rid of the tears. "Oh look, if it isn't frigid Alice" I looked up to see Lauren Mallory overlooking me with Jessica Stanley on her right. They were dressed in their usual slutty attire. Their faces were turned into a sneer. They went to the same high school as me Rosalie and Bella and liked to make every living day a nightmare. "What the fuck do you want?" Lauren laughed her cold hard laugh. "Stand up Cullen!" I did what I was told, I had learnt before not to disobey orders. "I think it's time you learnt your lesson Frigid" I screwed my eyes up to not feel the pain. Punch after punch after punch. I waited till it was over, oh wait a kick, and there gone. I pulled myself into a ball and cried. After my little cry, _well more of an understatement. _I picked myself up and trailed back to my dorm, I found out Rosalie had gone to dinner with Emmett. I pulled my clothes off and dragged myself into the shower to inspect the damage. Busted lip, Black eye, two bruised ribs and a broken finger. How was I supposed to explain this to everyone? I washed my body until it stung. I got into bed and curled into the foetal position. Closing my eyes I began to cry again. That night I cried myself to sleep.

…

**Jaspers point of view:**

_Why did I agree? Why did I say I was going to stupid fucking summer camp?_ My head was reeling as I took in my appearance in the mirror. My blonde curls formed a halo around my head. My eyes which used to be a beautiful blue but now they were dull glassy lifeless things. My face was pale and clammy with a sunken complexion. I was nothing compared to my former self. I ran my hand through my matted curls before settling my stuff on my new bed. I unpacked my clothes lightly placing them in the drawers. _I guess you better call Rose?_ I stuffed the empty bag in the wardrobe before pulling my cell out of my back pocket. I dialled her number and waited for her to answer. "Yeah what?" _she sounded angry or pissed off? _"Jeez thanks Rose nice way to talk to your brother?" I heard her gasp "Oh sorry Jasper, but it's you?" I chuckled "Yeah Rose, it's really me" "Oh Jasper, I've missed you so much, Where are you?" Ha trust rose to be just like momma, "Um just got in my dorm room, why?" I heard her breathe heavily down the phone. "Oh right, well I'll leave you to get settled then come see you in the morning if that's okay?" I laughed again "Of course you can and Rose I missed you too." I heard her softly sigh down the other end. "Okay, bye Jasper, Love you" I hung up. I never said those words to anyone anymore. I sighed; I hated how I was now. I pulled up the sleeves to my cotton jumper to reveal the jagged shapes on my arm. Each cut and slice had been made out of spite and hate and I hated myself for letting her do this to me_. Im not going to, im not going to do it, im not, im not, im not! _I grabbed my jacket before leaving out the door. I needed to get out of there. If I didn't who knows what could have happened? I walked around the lake for a bit trying to calm myself down. What the fuck had Maria done to me? Urghhhhhhhh. I was slowly considered going back to my room when I saw her. Her long black hair was over her knees; her head was to the right, her eyes closed. I saw a small tear trickle down her eyelashes before she wiped it away with her hand. I was about to approach her when two girls stood in front of her blocking her from view. On the right was the one girl, her dirty brown hair was tied into a ponytail , she wore a tank top pulled low to reveal her bra and shorts that just covered her ass, the one on the left was even worse. She wore a tie top than showed of her flabby tummy and a skirt which showed off her black thong. On both of the girls feet were 6inch heels. I stood and watched the whole scene play out. I couldn't hear what's was being said but I could see she was terrified. She stood up. She was tiny, _Bout 5'4 and im 6'4 so yeah tiny_. That's when they started punching and kicking her. She made no efforts to fight back, just stood there and took all the pain until they were gone. She then curled herself into a ball before crying. I wanted to run over there and help her, but I didn't. Instead I followed the other two girls "Hey wait up" I shouted after them. They both turned. The sluttier one walked up to me and draped her body across mine. "Why hello there, im Lauren and that (She pointed to the other girl) is Jessica" I pushed her off me "Why were you beating that girl up?" I asked, concern laced in my voice. Her face upturned into a grimace "Oh her, just teaching her a lesson, you see FRIGID ALICE is a bit of a nobody and she needed to know where her place was" I turned and walked away. _Alice, Alice, Alice, her name was Alice._ I felt so bad for not helping her. She was defenceless and I just stood there watching. I ran back to where it had happened only to find she was gone. God I was such a prick. I walked to my room, feeling truly depressed. _I could have stopped it; she wouldn't be so badly hurt. I am such a dick._ I slammed the door behind me truly hating myself. I flopped down on my bed and contemplated why I was such and asshole; 1: I fell in love , 2: I let her walk all over me, 3 : I let that poor innocent girl get badly hurt and did nothing about it, 4: I was still self-harming even though I had told Rose I had stopped. I grunted in my own frustration._ Why did nothing ever go right for me anymore? Why were things so complicated? _I pulled my jumper off to stare at my hideous body. Scars on the arms and a jagged gash across my chest. I took a bath. I know it's girly but it washed my body in a soothing way. After I was finished with my bath I changed into my flannel pyjama pants and a plain white tee-shirt. I crawled into bed and let sleep wash over me.

….

The next morning I woke to the sound of a guitar. Edwards back. I rubbed my eyes lazily before dragging my body out of bed to take a shower and change. When I finished I walked out of the bathroom to find Edward sat in the couch strumming absent minded on the guitar. "Edward, shut up" He stopped strumming and looked at me. "God, Jasper what's gotten your knickers in a twist?" I looked at him; he dropped his head and stared at his hands. "Nothing, just got a headache, How was your date with Bells?" I sat down on the couch next to him. He flicked his amber hair out of his eyes before answering "It was wonderful, we kissed and then" I cut in "Ermm Ed, I don't want to know" he smiled "Oh right, sorry, how are you doing Jasper?" His eyes quizzically shot across my face before settling on my hands. "Okay I suppose" I was doing shit, I was lying to my sister about everything, how I felt, how I still do everything I shouldn't. I sighed. "What are we doing today Edward?" he turned and placed his guitar on the floor. "Were going to see Rose and the others, if that's ok, with you?" "Of course. I really want to see Rose." Edward pulled his jacket on before handing me mine, "Come on man" He opened the door waiting for me to follow. I ran my hand over my face before following him out the door

….

**Alice's Point of View:**

I woke up sore. Very sore in fact. I walked into the bathroom and took in my appearance. My eyes were dark and a purple blotch was appearing around my left one. My lip looked badly cut and stung like hell .My ribs were red and two more blotches were appearing. My finger was just slightly red. I sighed. FUCK! _Why did this happen to me? _I got dressed in my black jeans, a white cami and one of Edwards's oversized hoodies. I pulled my make up out of my draw and began to hide the blotches and bruises. When I was finished I had outlined my eyes in thick black eyeliner to hide any darkness, Concealer and foundation were both used heavily in my operation and a dark plum lipstick to hide the cut. I slowly walked out into the main room. Bella was lying on the couch flicking through the channels and Rosalie was in the kitchenette mooching in the fridge. I gently sat down on the arm of the couch. "Morning, Alice" I smiled politely at Bella's over enthusiasm. "You went to bed early." Rose said critically Walking and sitting on the green armchair. "Well, I was, err, tired." Rose's eyes glanced across my face taking in my heavily lined eyes and dark lips. "Alice, what's with the heavy make-up?" I swallowed; a lump forming in my throat. "Well, I, I, I wanted to try something different" I looked at my hands not wanting to meet her concerned eye. "Alice, im not stupid, something bad's going on and I can tell, tell us?" I felt the lump becoming even harder to swallow. "I fell in the shower and im sore, that's it okay?" I hear her snort. Luckily im saved by a sharp rapping at the door. Rosalie gives me the "I don't believe you, we'll talk later" look. Bella opened the door followed by a load of squealing. Edward appeared, gently pressing a kiss to Bella's forehead. He turned and saw me,_ great my day s getting better and better! _I gently got up and walked slowly over to him. He pulled me into a hug. "You okay ?" I nodded; I didn't trust my fragile voice. Edward opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a high pitched squeal. I turned to see Bella jumping up and down. She launched herself into the arms of a very tall guy. She pulled back and started having a full blown out conversation. I didn't hear what she was saying I was too focused on the beautiful stranger standing in the door way. His curly, honey blonde hair led down to a perfectly straight nose and full lips. He was beautiful. His eyes were amazing. Beautiful blue like the ocean. He was a god. And I felt like I shouldn't be in his presence. I turned on my heel and walked onto the balcony at the back of the dorm. I stared out into the open air. Breathing deeply I heard the glass door behind me click open. "Rose I already told you" "Im not Rose." A deep sexy voice said. I turned as fast a lightning to see the guy Bella was hugging. I turned again so my back was facing him. "Sorry" I whispered. "It's alright ma'am" I couldn't help but notice he had a southern end drawl to his voice. He stood next to me before pulling a cigarette out from behind his ear. "Oh where are my manner's, Im Jasper by the way" He turned and looked at me; a crooked smile on his lips. "Alice" I breathed out. "That's a pretty name." He said this whilst smiling; I could hear it in his voice. I turned and faced him "Thank you" I shuffled my feet and sat down on the patio chair. _Why was everything so fucked up? _Before I knew what was going on I found myself crying. "Oh god, don't cry" He crouched down and placed his finger under my chin. "Alice, Look at me" I didn't respond. He pulled my face up. "Alice, look at me" I looked up to find myself staring into his beautiful blue eyes. "What's wrong darlin?" I sighed. "Everything." My voice trembled. He wiped my tears away. He smiled at me. The first genuine person I had met in months. "Do you wanna talk bout it?" I shook my head, I didn't know this guy, but I already sorta knew his story. I pulled up the sleeves of Edwards's hoodie revealing my massacred arms. I saw him out the corner of my eye looking at my arms_. Prepare yourself Alice, for one huge lecture is coming your way. _I waited but no outburst or lecture. I heard him sigh softly. He gently ran a finger over them. I flinched slightly at his touch. He looked me in the eyes. "Alice , you don't need to do this, you know?" I shrugged. "It makes me feel normal." He sighed again. "Alice, whatever your problems, it's not your bodies fault." _I was fuming. How dare he, he doesn't even know me and he's already judging me. _I pushed him away and walked to wear I was stood before. "Don't give me that bullshit. You don't fucking know me. How dare you? You don't know what the fuck I go through, you've got no fucking idea what it's like." I was just about to turn back inside when he said "I do Alice, I know exactly what you're going through. " I turned to question him when he pulled up the sleeves of his grey sweater to reveal deep incisions in his arms.

...

**So guys what do you think? let me know if i should continue with this story ? 3**

**love Angi xoxo**


	2. The truth hurts

**Prologue: **

_"Don't give me that bullshit. You don't fucking know me. How dare you? You don't know what the fuck I go through, you've got no fucking idea what it's like." I was just about to turn back inside when he said "I do Alice, I know exactly what you're going through." I turned to question him when he pulled up the sleeves of his grey sweater to reveal deep incisions in his arms._

…

**Jasper's point of view:**

I waited for her second outburst but it never came. She looked so fragile, so adorable. I couldn't stand to see her cry. Then she showed me her scars. They were deep. Even deeper than mine. I gently ran my fingers over them; I felt the tiny shudder she gave. I told her that she didn't need to do this._ Hypocrite! _Then she had a go at me_. _Going on about how I didn't know her, or who was I to judge; _she is right though. _Then I randomly pulled my sleeves up to reveal my deepest darkest secret. I mean I never even told Rose about it let alone show anybody. She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at my scars. She slowly walked over. I noticed she was wearing some black jeans and an oversized hoodie. Her delicate face was covered in dark make up that she didn't need. _This girl looks familiar, shut up brain. _She tugged at the sleeves of her hoodie and pulled them down covering her marks. She stood next to the railings as if she were going to jump. She sighed. "Sorry." I turned and faced her. "What for? You were right; I don't know you and im making accusations, im also a hypocrite." I ran a hand across my face to remove the sweat beads which had formed on my forehead. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder before returning inside.

Inside it was like I had been gone for a hundred years. _I mean come on; I'd been gone what 20 minutes?_ I sat gently down on the couch listening to how Edward and Bella were so happy together and a load of shit. I don't believe in love personally. I think it's a waste of time. It's always your heart that breaks never hers. "Rose, have you asked Emmet out yet?" I asked trying to make polite conversation. She turned a shade of tomato before answering "No, because he's got a girlfriend". _Jasper, you are such and idiot! _

After about another hourAlice came back in. Her nose was pink at the end making her look adorable. It was obvious she had been crying. Her eye make-up was slightly smudged. She gave everyone a small smile before going through a door only to be her bedroom. After a few more hours of non-stop rambling I made my way back to my dorm before thanking Rosalie for an amazing day.

….

Most of that was due to talking to Alice. I felt different now. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I took a shower, letting the hot water calm my nerves. Alice was different to every other girl I had met before. Instead of stepping into the spotlight, she took a step back and let someone else take it. She wasn't into fashion and the makeup was surely a cover up for her beautiful face. She was quiet. So different to Maria. _Why am I comparing her to Maria_? I shook the excess water out of my hair before exiting the shower. Alice was beautiful in her own weird way. _Dude your thinking way to much about this girl! _I sighed; I don't need to get into another relationship. I pulled on my pyjama bottoms and then stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were heavy and needed reassurance. Dark shadows appearing showing from the lack of sleep. The nightmares are what kept me up at night. Always the same one.

A brown haired beauty would step out of the smoke billowing around her ankles. Her blue eyes were heavily outlined in thick eye liner. Her jaw; set hard like it always was. Her hands bawled into fists. She was wearing the same thing on the night that happened. Her hair pulled tightly back to reveal her spotless forehead. "Jasper, im sorry." She told me. The words leaving her perfectly parted lips. "You think I could stay, after what you did?" I wrenched up the white top I was wearing to reveal the deep gash spread across my chest. She flinched before she cried out. "It was an accident Jasper. You knew I was sick and yet you still stayed by me. Please don't leave me." The tears were falling from her eyes and mine. I needed her yet she wasn't good for me. Like Heroine. "Maria. I can't get hurt again. Not by you, or anybody. Im sorry but it's over." Each time my heart would cripple and my whole body would shake violently. Always resulting in the same thing. Me waking up in a pool of my own sweat, heavily panting and wishing that none of this ever happened. I pushed my curls back and settled into my bed awaiting the nightmare to come.

….

**Alice's point of view;**

I never realised he was just as bad as me. Maybe even worse. When he showed me his cuts it petrified me that someone as beautiful as him could do that. When he placed his huge hand on my shoulder , my heart melted. _No Alice you can't go in another relationship. You'll only get hurt again. I can't get hurt. Not again. _I couldn't help the tears that flowed. I was so glad Jasper wasn't there to see me like this. I felt my heart tighten with each breathe I took.

After a while I stopped. I took a few short breathes to calm myself before returning into the main room where everyone else was. They looked so happy with me not being there. And Jasper looked like he belonged. He looked like he didn't have to pretend. He looked happy. I felt my body sigh. I gave him a small smile before entering my bedroom. My body collapsed into a heap on the floor. Everything was wrong. I needed to talk to someone. I wanted my mom. I picked myself up and pulled myself over to my bed. I leant over and picked my phone off the cabinet on the side. I dialled my mom's number and waited. On the second ring she picked it up. "Hello" She panted out. "Mommy" She sighed a sweet sigh. "Alice, baby, what's wrong?" I cried down the phone. "There doing it again mommy. They won't stop, just because im not home anymore. I want to come home." I sobbed. "Oh my baby. I know that you do but I can't do anything about it, you dad sent you there, it's his tuition, Baby have you told anybody?" I sighed "No mommy, but they wouldn't believe me." "Baby im sure they would, you need to tell someone k?" I sniffed. "K mommy." "Baby I gotta go, im organizing a divorce meeting with your father, I love you." "I love you too" She told me to call her again soon, I told her I would before letting her get back to her meeting. I placed my phone back on the side and gazed up at my ceiling. Im so sick of trying to please everybody else that I forgot how to please myself. I rolled over and looked out of the window before falling to sleep.

…

The next morning I awoke fairly early. I had a shower and got changed into my black lace top with three quarter sleeves, white mid-length pencil skirt and my beloved black Christian louboutin heels. I curled the ends of my hair and left it down. My face was still bruised but what could I do? I applied the dark make up again before grabbing a jacket and my cell and walked out of the door. Bella was sat quietly reading a book on the sofa and Rosalie was still in the bathroom. _Typical!_

"Whoa, who are you and what have you done with Alice?" I laughed "Don't worry Bells im still here." She looked me up and down. "Well what's with the sudden change of clothes then?" Her eyes were practically bulging out of her face. " Well, im sick of looking gloomy, so, I thought I'd change." Bella sighed; she could tell something was wrong. Before she could say anything I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and left out the door.

I sighed; I hated lying to my best friend. I sat down on a random bench by the lake and began to munch on my apple. I gazed out over the lake. It was so beautiful, so peaceful. It reminded me of how I was before everything went fucked up. I finished my apple and put the core in the bin. I was just about to leave when **SMACK!**

My head felt slightly giddy. "Whoa lil lady, you should be more careful." The silky smooth Texan voice said. I refocused my vision to see Jasper standing above me with a hand out stretched. I placed my tiny hand into his giant one and he pulled me up with no strength at all. "Thank you, but as I recall it was you who bumped into me" I looked up into his beautiful eyes. He smiled at me with a half crooked grin. "Sorry, lil lady." He looked down before looking at my face again "Could I have my hand back please?" What? I looked down to see my tiny hand still in his. The weird thing was, it fit perfectly. I gently slid it out, instantly missing the warm. "Sorry" I looked down. Why is it with him im not myself? I gently sat back down on the bench and stared at my hands. I felt him sit next to me. "You okay?" I didn't answer him, was I okay? I don't understand myself or anything anymore. "Alice" I love the way my name was said by him. It sent a chill up my spine causing me to shudder. Jasper lifted my face and turned me to him "Alice, are you okay?" I nodded. "Are you cold?" I shook my head, no I wasn't. He obviously didn't believe that because he took his hoodie off and handed it to me. I pulled it over my head inhaling his sent. He smelt like lynx Africa (**A/N MY favourite one**). When I was finally snug in his jumper he looked at me "Thank you" He smiled a crooked grin which I couldn't help but smile at. "You're so beautiful Alice" I looked up to see his eyes scanning my face. "Thank you." Why was he being so nice? I mean he doesn't even know me. "So Alice, tell me about you?" I looked at him, what was in it for him? Boys only ever did things so they could get something out of it. "Okay but you have to promise me something?" I looked into his eyes. They were so beautiful. "I promise" I smiled at him. "You can't tell Rosalie or Bella, Especially Edward okay?" He nodded. His eyes told nothing but the truth.

"Okay. What would you like to know?" He gently took my wrists and pulled up the sleeves to his hoodie. "Why you did that?" He gently caressed my scars. I wrenched my writs away. "No I can't tell you, I can't tell anybody. You don't me and you never will so don't pretend like you care." I stood up forcing the tears back. I walked away before remembering I still had his hoodie. I turned back and was about to pull the hoodie over my head when he stopped me "No Alice, I want you to keep it" I looked into his eyes and gave him a tiny smile. I turned again to leave. "Alice you know you can tell me, im not going to judge you." I looked back "I know Jasper but im just not ready to tell everyone my story yet" I turned on my heel and left for my dorm.

…

"_Babe come on, just try it" I firmly shook my head. I wasn't ready. Not for this. For him it wasn't such a big thing, for me it was. I mean im only 15. I shook my head fiercely again just to confirm that I didn't want this. His hand snaked up my thigh and under my skirt. I pushed his hand away "No James, I don't want to" He removed his hand and got up leaving the bed. "James, what are you doing?" He turned "Sorry" "Wait what?" before he answered he climbed out of the window he came in. He never came back and he never said those words I wanted to hear so badly. _

The memories still haunted me; no matter what I did they would always remain. They were burning into me like an inferno. No matter what I did to try and stop them they would keep burning and that broke my heart even more.

There I was sat on my bed in my dorm alone, like I was every night. The joggers I was wearing started to itch. I yanked them off and sat there, just in Jasper's hoodie. I paced into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. No wonder no one wanted me. The mascara I had worn had run down my cheeks from the tears I cried every night. My lips were still split and my eyes were still blotchy. I slid my hand down the mirror and collapsed on the floor. This was wrong, this is wrong, I should be happy right? My eyes became heavy and my mind went blank as I let the darkness consume me.

**Jasper's Point Of View:**

Why won't she get out of my head? Last night I went to bed with her smile locked in my brain. Yesterday when she wore **MY **hoodie my heart soared with pride. Like she was **MY GIRL**. I wish. I had followed Alice like a little puppy dog all the way back to my dorm. When she smiled she looked so beautiful. Then like an idiot I told her that. When she looked up at me and gave me that tiny smile she looked so adorable. I asked her to tell me about why she made her scars. She looked like she was going to tell me until she said "No I can't tell you, I can't tell anybody. You don't me and you never will so don't pretend like you care." That hurt me, yeah she's right but I really wanted to know her. When I saw her tiny frame walk away from me it felt like someone had stamped on my chest. I know she never meant it in that way but it still hurt.

She didn't trust me, But that was all going to change.


	3. FML

**I don't own anything **

**Prologue: **

_She didn't trust me, but that was all going to change. _

**Alice's point of view:**

I lied. I am a very bad person. I told him I wasn't ready to tell yet I was. I needed the pain of everything to go away. I needed someone to understand how I felt, not to judge and make false accusations but to sit there and listen. And I went and told him I wasn't ready to tell. I've screamed at myself with so much frustration my lungs have no air left in them. It's hard to breakdown and cry when you have no tears left to cry with.

…

I have to admit, it scared me when he told me he would listen to me. No one has ever said they would wait for me. He was beautiful, why did he want to listen to me? He should be talking to some gorgeous model and asking for her phone number. Yet there he was waiting at my dorm room door asking to come in. Why?

He was leant against the doorframe waiting for my answer. Bella and Rosalie had gone shopping, of course they invited me but I didn't want to go, I never do anymore. His bright blue eyes are staring at me trying to read me. He knows my name not my story. His hand was loosely on the door knob. I could see in his eyes, he was begging me to come in. Maybe he needed redemption too? I pulled the door open wider so he could pass through. As he walked past me I caught the familiar scent which was him. He gingerly sat down on the couch waiting for me to join him. I gently sat on the edge before turning to face his eyes. "Jasper, what are you doing here?" He smiled "I wanted to get to know you better" I groaned "We had this conversation yesterday, im not ready" He took my hand in-between his and looked upon my now frowning face. "Alice I know you're not, and I would never force you to, I just, I want to know you" He was being genuine, his hand tightened on mine. I couldn't breathe, my head was spinning, and my ribs were tightening around my chest. Is this normal? Why does he want to know me? Im not anything special. Im nothing.

And there I was telling him everything. How my parents were in love and married then they were divorced when i was six, and how I took it upon myself to look after my broken hearted mom. He sat and listened, occasionally laughed at the odd moment and I swear I even saw tears from his eyes when I told him about my parents divorcing. He was now in the bathroom while I made us some drinks. My hand shook as I held the spoon in the mug. Why? I never felt like this before. Yeah Bella and Rosalie have heard my story before but telling Jasper was different, like he was actually listening. Like for once in my pathetic life someone actually cared. I had tried to diminish my heart and had completely decided to ignore it until that warm fuzzy feeling came back. It travelled down through my body, even to the tips of my toes_. I can't feel this, not again._ My hands began violently shaking just as Jasper walked in. **GREAT, FUCKING GREAT**.

**Jasper's Point Of View:**

I checked myself in the mirror. Today my usual frown had been replaced by a smile. She had put it there. My eyes were happy, the way they used to be. I flicked open the lock and walked out to find Alice's hands shaking. There she was dressed in an oversized grey jumper and some tiny shorts. Her ivory legs were shaking and her knees buckled. I ran and caught her before she fell to the floor. Her whole body was in overdrive. She was shaking so bad, I pulled her close to my chest and made shushing noises. I ran my hands through her hair. She was slowly calming down. When she had finally regained her breathe and she had stopped shaking I gently placed her on the couch. As soon as I placed her on the couch she clawed at my shirt "Please don't leave me Jasper, everybody leaves me, please don't" I bent down and pushed the hair out her eyes. "I'll never leave you Alice" Without knowing what I was doing I gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. She moved over on the couch so I could get on. She instantly crawled over to me. I held my arms open so she could embrace me. She slowly hugged me to her body. "So, what do you want to do?" I looked down to see her adorable brown eyes staring back; they were filled with tears.

I pulled her up to my face. "Alice, what's wrong?" The tiny tear trickled down her cheek. "I, Im so stupid" The tear glided and fell into my palm. It was beautiful, just like her. "I can't do it again, I can't" She sobbed into my chest. "Do what Alice?" She continued sobbing "Fall in love again." Wait what is she going on about? "Alice I don't understand." She looked at me for a minute before getting off me and locking herself in the bathroom. I instantly regretted what I had said. Had I done this to her? I ran my hand across my face. My heart broke at the thought that this was my fault. Oh god, I had done this to her. I walked over to the bathroom door and knocked gently. "Alice is you okay?"_ Dumbass_. She sniffed. "Do think im fucking okay?" Great I just put my foot in it. "Okay stupid question, is this my fault?" It was silent until I heard the door unclick. I flicked my head up to see Alice standing in the door way. Razor Blade in the left hand. Mascara tears along the cheeks. She dropped the razor on the floor and walked into my outstretched arms.

I looked down to see the bundle of black hair lay on my chest. Her chest rising and falling gently. She was so beautiful. I picked her up and kicked open the door which I guessed was hers. I gently laid her on the bed. She stirred slightly. I actually think she is beautiful. Why is my heart reacting this way? I looked around the room for a pen and some paper. I finally found some; I quickly scrawled a note and left it on the side. I ran my hand across her cheek before leaving the room.

**Alice's Point of view:**

Did I dream that all? Jasper cradling me in his arms, him kissing the top of my forehead, me ending up in a bundle of tears? No, it has to be a dream. There was no way Jasper would come and see me. Is there? I opened my eyes to see a dimly lit room which I recognised to be mine. _That's weird I don't remember coming in here? _As my eyes adjusted to the light I saw a note on my bedside table. I picked it up.

Dear Alice

Im sorry for leaving you likes this, but it's easier this way.

Im sorry if I made you cry before. I honestly regret ever saying anything, please forgive me? I am honestly sorry about everything, please know that. I left you to sleep after you passed out on me. What an eventful day. I hope to see you as soon as I can. Please meet me on the far side of the lake at 2:00pm, I'll be waiting.

Love Jasper xoxo

So it wasn't a dream? Oh god! He fucking saw me break down? I groaned. He wanted me to meet him at the lake, but why? I looked at my watch 1:30. Oh shit! I only had half an hour to get ready? I quickly got in the shower, washed my hair, and got out. I pulled on a black sleeved top and my high waisted skinnies with my black converse. I looked at my bruised face. There was no way I could go natural. I did my heavy make-up and left out the door.

I ran to the other side of the lake as fast as I could. When I got there I couldn't see him. Great, just fucking great. I missed my chance to talk to him. I sank on the bench and closed my eyes. "Well, looks like our play toy is back" I instantly knew who it was. I looked up to see Lauren stood above me, hands clenched into fists. Why? "What you doing out here frigid?" "Im meeting someone" I mumbled. She laughed. "You?" she shrieked. "And who would be interested in meeting you?" I didn't say anything "I am" I looked up to see Jasper approaching us. Lauren turned her head to stare. Her mouth dropped open. "But why? She's nothing" Jasper growled then walked over to Lauren and grabbed her "Don't ever fucking say that" Lauren ran as fast as she could. I looked at my hands. "Alice, why do you let her treat you that way?" I sighed, he would never understand me. "Because Jasper, it's easier if I don't fight back" Jasper pulled my face up so I was looking into his eyes "But Alice, you do know that it's bullying right?" I shrugged, it's not like it would stop.

"You shouldn't listen to her" "Why not? Huh after all, she's only saying what everyone else is thinking, I am nothing" He grabbed my hands "Alice don't ever say that, you're not anything" I pulled my hands free "You can't say that, you don't know me enough to say that" I raged at him. He looked upon me. "Then let me know you?" it wasn't a question it was more of a plead. A tear leaked from my eye. "Okay, you really want to know?" He nodded.

I stood up and pulled my sleeve's up. "This Jasper" I pointed to my now healing scars. "Is what happens after 2 years of bullying, okay?" I screamed at him. "My heart was broken and I had no other way" "You have no fucking idea what it's been like; I had death notes and everything. My life is non-existent anymore okay? I don't have anybody anymore." My body began to tremor. My eyes were pouring with tears. "Me, Me m, me and J, J, James were together for 3 years." I calmed down, I had to otherwise I would have lost all of my speech. "He told me he, he, he Lov, lov, loved me. He lied he never did. Then one time he asks me to sleep with him. I said no, I wasn't ready. We had our whole lives planned in front of us. That night he walked out and the next day he pretended I didn't exist. Then im sat at lunch with Bella and Rosalie and Lauren comes up to me and says "Is it true that you didn't put out for James?" He had told everybody I was frigid and now everyone still calls it me. 2 years I've had this. I fucking hate my life."

I crumbled on the floor. My heart felt weak. Like all the fighting I had done had been for nothing. Like he made every decision I had ever done. I felt a warm hand on my back. Jasper pulled me into his arms and sat on the bench. "Have you ever told anybody?" His voice was calm. It made me feel safe. I shook my head. I buried my head deep into his chest smelling his muskiness. "Alice, but someone could help you?" I shook my head. I looked upon Jasper's face. His forehead was creased with concern. "No one will listen, no one ever does" He ran his hand across my cheek. "I do"

I looked into his eyes. They consumed me. I wanted to stay like this forever. Jasper rested his hand on my cheek. He pulled me closer. Our faces were so close I could see every skin follicle on his face. He was so beautiful. He pulled his lips closer to mine. I felt the heat radiate off him. His lips were soft. They caressed mine. I felt him tug on my bottom lip with his teeth. Every sense in my body was going crazy. It was a good thing I wasn't standing up; otherwise my knees would have buckled. He pushed my lips open with his tongue. It explored every nook and cranny my mouth had to offer. He was amazing.

I pulled away; I fluttered my eyes open and looked into his eyes. I untangled my hands from his hair and caressed his cheek. He smiled. "Alice" I looked upon his face "Mhhhm Jasper?" "You're so beautiful" The rose in my cheeks appeared out of nowhere. "Thank you, but why are you lying?" He looked me up and down. "Alice, I would never lie to you" I kissed his cheek. I got up. Wait, I had just kissed Jasper? It was amazing. My heart soared at the thought of me and Jasper kissing like that again. I turned to Jasper "I have to go" Jasper jumped up and stood in front of me. He grazed his hand across my cheek. "Why? Where? Please don't go?" So many questions. "Don't worry Jasper, Im just going back to my dorm okay? Im going because I need some time to think and text me later?" His eyes looked disappointed but he nodded giving me his reassurance. He placed a simple chaste kiss on my lips. "Jasper?"

He looked down at me. Confusion written all over his face. "Meet me tonight?" He smiled. The colour in his cheeks had become more apparent. "Come to my room this time, Edwards going out with Bella so the place will be free" He looked at me the longing to have him in my arms again was taking over. "Ermm Jasper?" He ran his fingers through my hair "Yes Alice?" "I err; don't know where your dorm is?" I looked at my feet in my own embarrassment. I could feel my cheeks flushing another shade of red. He pulled my face up to meet his. "Alice it's down the hall from you, room 607 okay?" I nodded, I no idea where that was. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and walked back toward the dorms.

OMG I HAD JUST KISSED JASPER WHITLOCK. FML. Wow he was amazing and he was kissing me? He liked me? _Wait Alice he never said he liked you; you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak AGAIN! _Iwalked into my dorm roomto find the expectant eyes of my best friends UH OH?

Rosalie's Point of View: 

My nail beds suck. I looked up to see a very anxious looking Alice. She had been acting differently, somewhat distant, like she couldn't trust us. She looked at me then at Bella. She gasped slightly. "Alice spill now!" The words slipped from Bella's lips. She looked down and dragged herself to the chair. She began fiddling with her fingers. This is so obvious. "This is about a boy isn't it?" I asked. She nodded. Her cheeks reddening. Oh god, not another James. He fucked my bestfriend up beyond repair. There was no way in hell this boy was gonna fuck her up again. "He was so nice to me" Who? "Alice what are you talking about?" Bella the voice of reason said. "I met a guy" "Obviously "I said. " We kissed" My eyes practically bulged out of my sockets. "You kissed? Who did you kiss?" Alice turned and even deeper shade of red. "It doesn't matter" Bella stood in front of her "Doesn't matter, Alice of course it matters who you go around snogging."

"It's not like that, I really like him" Alice shouted. I stood up at this point "Alice that's good but we don't want you to get hurt again" She turned to me "You honestly think your brother would hurt me?" She shouted at the top of her tiny lungs. Wait my brother. My broken brother. The one who self-harmed. My fragile brother who hated any girl that walked the planted? "Jasper?" She nodded forcing the tears I could see in her eyes to stay back. "Alice, he's not thinking straight, he probably doesn't want to hurt you, but he probably doesn't want you either"_ Okay rose that was a bit mean._ "Oh yeah I forgot , im not allowed anyone to like me, I have to be like this don't I , I mean who could possibly like me" She indicated to herself before she collapsed on the floor in a bundle of tears. I ran and hugged her. "Im sorry, Alice that's not what I meant" Bella gave me the "You've really gone and put your foot in it" look. I kissed her hair. "Alice I just meant that he doesn't know what he wants anymore, he's broken, just like you" She sniffed before hugging me tightly. She sat up and looked at me to Bella "I err need to tell you guys something" What could she possibly tell me, she fucked my brother? "Did you fuck him?" I asked being as blunt as I could. "No, why would you think that?" I looked down at my nails and shrugged. "It's something even worse than that" She said with a small sigh.

…..

**For anyone who doesn't know what fml is: Fuck my life**

**And thank you for reading **

**Lots of {**_love_**} Angie xoxo **


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